A week...

It's been a week...but feels like it's been a year.

This time last week we were on our way home without K.
When I think back over everything that happen with M I'm STILL shocked she changed her mind.

The pain of all this seems more real now though that the shock has worn off.
I find myself in his room more and more these last few days...Sitting there crying...thinking about all the things we planned for him.
R thinks we should pack the room up but I don't think I can...It's as if it's the only thing I have that can bring me back to him.(If that makes any sense) He is probably right and it should get packed up but I don't think my heart can handle that right now.
I can't even begin to explain how much I miss him.

As for M I feel myself at times hating her and wishing more then ever that I hadn't trusted her so much, or open myself up to her the way I did and then at the same time I miss her and I try to tell myself to understand that she was young, scared, confused and hurting when she left him there with us as much as I was when we left him there with her.

R and I have booked a trip...We leave this Sat. He is so excited, me not so much.
I have this fear that we will go and I wont be able to hide away from the world.
Like I have been doing here. I have been out around here since it all happen but it's been very hard...How am I going to get through days when it's almost impossible to get through a trip to the mall without having to hide in the bathroom for a few minutes so people wont stare at me while I am crying because I saw a pregnant women, or a little baby crying, or even an 8 yr old boy just talking to his dad.
I hope I can make it through this trip...

"Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew."